I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
