He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
