While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
