This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
