somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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