Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
