and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
