tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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