Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
