I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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