farters have to be the big spoon...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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