wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
