So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
