A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
