I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
