I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a search helicopter?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
