yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
