Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
