Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
