I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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