Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
