So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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