drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
