I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
