ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
