please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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