I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
