why didn't you poke me back
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
