I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
