I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
