Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
