I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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