I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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