I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
