Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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