gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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