she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
