do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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