HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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