evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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