it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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