brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
