Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
