I wannas sexs uuuuu
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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