It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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