i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
