Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
