I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
