Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
