i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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