Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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